June 28, 2007

Don't Believe the Hype

Tomorrow at 6pm, those loveable scamps at Apple will be introducing their much heralded iPhone.

Gauging by the subject line, my thoughts are pretty clear: I'm too poor to buy an iPhone and activate a service plan with AT&T.

Typically, Apple will release a product of this magnitude and I'm the first bespectacled dork on the bandwagon. That's definitely what I did when they released the new breed of iMac in 2004. I'm certainly not anti-Apple by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, fuck, I'm on one right now.
I just can't reasonably think of how I could justify plopping down over $600 for a cell phone.

"Oh, it's not just any cellphone, you caustic twit."

I realize that. It's a mobile multimedia station that just so happens to allow you to make phone calls on AT&T's lousy network. When you've run your battery to it's end, you get to mail it to Apple and have them replace your battery for what might cost around $100.

I'm willing to allow myself to not hop on this costly trend so that I'm not any more in debt than I am now. $600+ for a slick phone isn't in the cards, no matter what kind of rave reviews it's getting. If you've got the skrilla to drop on it, by all means, be the thoughtless drone who will buy any Apple branded product. Enjoy when some homeless dude mugs your ass for your cell phone.

June 21, 2007

Billy Corgan loves money himself more than music

Billy Corgan has a tendency to shit on people. He even threw James Iha under the bus, man!

So now he's helping throw you, the music consuming public who grew increasingly tired of his half-assed solo albums, under the bus by releasing four different versions of the new Pumpkins disc, Zeitgeist. One at Target, one at Best Buy, one on iTunes, and one for everybody else. Yeah. Each album has different songs on it. The Target disc has the title track ("Zeitgeist") and the other ones... will not.

But Billy has enough followers to where it's not going to matter how badly he's treated others: the new album will "rock", critics are "jealous", and Billy can do no wrong.

June 19, 2007

Sufjan does Oregon; hippies scurry

The hot rumor around teh internetz is that the inimitable Sufjan Stevens will be rocking the Cascades.

You know what? I'm calling shenanigans on it. I'm calling shenanigans on the whole thing.

The track in question is "Portland, or, Whistling Underwater". Honestly, I don't see Sufjan going the experimental noise route in any way shape or form. Nor do I think that song is in any way authentic. Listen to it, guys. Tell me that sounds like a legitimate song. Even a demo from Sufjan would be better than that. That's a plant and anybody who is buying that it's an authentic track is a rube.

Hat tip: Gorilla vs Bear

June 17, 2007

Guaranteeing your child will grow up to be a dick

I've bitched about baby names before because it's something Jenn and I feel very strongly about. Whenever we have kids (which will be a long, long time from now), the kid is totally not getting stuck with a trendy current name that will automatically date them. Kind of like how there are likely a million ten to twelve year olds in Dallas running around named Michael, Troy, or Emmitt.

So, what names are totally off the plate?
Brayden/Braden - Because sometimes Brandon isn't hip enough.
Caden or Kaden - I'm not going to give my kid a Welsh name. That would just be mean.
names ending in -en or -on - This is obviously the trend. Landon, Mason, Jackson/Jaxon, Jayden/Jaden, Braxton... you're all out. Aiden/Aidan is exempt on the grounds that Jenn has Irish heritage and will fight me tooth and nail if I exclude this name from future consideration.
Colt - Awesome. That kid is going to be a huge asshole.
Riley - Oklahomans, come up with better names. In 2006, 73 of you named your kid after Jenn's old dog.
Paul - Do I look like the kind of guy who has a God complex? And besides, getting called "Tall Paul" and then "Paul Wall" got really fucking old after the 700th time I heard it... so I can't do that to another generation.

Alexis, Jasmine, Isabella, Kaylee, Sophia, Brianna/Breanna - If I want to raise a bitch, I'll get a dog.
Brooklyn - Thanks a fucking lot, David Beckham. I know you named your boy that, but apparently enough girls liked it to name their daughters this.
alternate spellings of traditional names - Caitlin? You're now "Kaitlyn".
Trinity - I didn't like the Matrix this much, though I do appreciate the theological ramifications that you... naw, you didn't think theologically when you named your kid this.
The name of any of my exgirlfriends - Nothing says awkward like naming your daughter after a past mistake. Do you think Ian Curtis would have asked Deborah to name their daughter, "Annik"? (nevermind that the relationship hadn't started yet)

June 15, 2007

Seriously, when will this end?

The whole stealing everything from good bands that don't deserve it thing has really got to stop. It's getting ridiculous, it's not funny, and it really just pisses pjretty much everyone off. Obviously the band/artist is the most pissed off but it really pisses off the fans, freinds and family.

What brings this specific rant up? Corey Goodman, one man band Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship, had his things stolen in Chicago a few days ago. Being from St. Louis, I'm not too super totally surprised that it happened in Chicago with all those classy people running around. Ok, just kidding, especially because its happened everywhere. And it's getting really old.

From Corey's Myspace bulletin:
I got robbed tonight in Chicago.
My passenger side door is screwed up
My PA system, my new shoes, my shaver, and all my cologne/deodorant/a whole bag of that cleany/smelly stuff is gone.

I'm going to finish out these next days of tour, but I'm not sure about what's going to happen with the rest.

I'm not really sure what I did to deserve this.

more details tomorrrow. I'm going to sleep.


So, just stop. Damn it.

A few days ago Rolling Stone reported that Kelly Clarkson has cancelled her tour. Well, cancelling tours isn't really news to anyone in the entertainment world. However, Kelly didn't cancel her tour because of any medical or health issues, no family problems that needed fixing. Nothing like that, in fact. Kelly Clarkson cancelled her tour because it was believed that ticket sales weren't adequate. Kelly also fired her manager this past week.

The Clarkson Media Specialists claim that the shows are only "cancelled for now" and that they must re-evaluate the "size and scope of her shows". Also, it's "been really difficult" to do such things before the "imending release of her album My December".

This American Idol starlet may just have America turn on her after all the Soccer Moms had to return their tickets and Dads who had to buy their love through this show had to get their money back. Maybe Ms. Clarkson isn't as good as she thought she was...screw what America thinks, right?

Lots of news on the Saddle Creek front. SS, as well as loads of other blogs and music sites, reported a few weeks ago that Georgie James has now moved on over to Saddle Creek. Which is totally loads of awesome and I'm so looking forward to the new release on the record label.

The guys also opened up Slowdown, their own music club and bar on 14th Street in Omaha. The bar is pretty unique in that they don't allow smoking, which is make or break to some customers in relation to bars. Also, the club is an all ages venue. Lastly, the music bar has no television sets to seperate themselves from other sports bars that seem to be concentrated in nearly every town in America.

Also, Tuesday marks the date of the newest release of some Two Gallants material. The Scenery of Farewell EP is a five song gem that features Adam and Tyson eve more stripped down than their past releases. The EP is acoustic and includes some work by a cellist, pianist, violinist and stand up bass. The boys are also out on tour with none other than Les Claypool. How'd they get hooked up with such a mess? Claypool saw them live, became a fan and asked them to go on tour with he and his band of...jam. I was at the St. Louis show and wanted to rip my eyes out of my skull during Claypool's set. However, Two Gallants was great, as completely expected and every time I see them live I think I become even more of a fan. Damn.

Also, how is it that I just now found out that Clint Schnase, ex-drummer for Cursive...is now the ex-drummer? Cursive is only one of the best bands to come out of Omaha (and one of my personal favorites). Anyway, there is no more Clint drummming for them and they had a different guy go out on tour with them during their tour with Mastadon and Against Me! and I'm not sure when or if they have named the new permanent drummer. The Good Life, Tim Kasher's other band, will also be releasing a new album sooner than later and that's some pretty important information to have, too.

June 12, 2007

Hope and a prayer

What's funny about the dig I took at Jenn's Cardinals and all of the NL "Comedy Central" (thanks Furge) is that we'll be able to back up the smack on the field.

July 6-8 in St. Louis. With any luck, I will be up there getting jeered.

And hey, maybe Rick Ankiel will be there, too.

June 11, 2007

Major League Letdown

Recently on BBC Five Live's football (soccer) call-in show, 6-0-6, a commentator who had been to the United States and went to an MLS game (DC United and L.A. Galaxy) commented that the quality was poor. She went so far as to say that it was the quality of "Barnsley and Luton", both of which played in the second level of the English soccer system. Luton were relegated to the third level (because unlike in America, bad teams are punished with demotion as opposed to being rewarded with the opportunity to score some potentially franchise changing player) and Barnsley nearly followed them down.

On top of this kind of external insult comes the internal nonchalance of the league for the ways of the rest of the world. Europe and South America halt play in their domestic soccer leagues when the big summer international tournaments come. For example in Europe, they are currently playing qualifiers for Euro 2008. When Euro matches are going on, national leagues across Europe grind to a halt and nobody plays their club games simultaneously as the national team matches. It's verboten... or, at least heavily frowned upon. But not America! No no no! Because of the demands of having teams playing in arenas that they share with other sports teams (New York Red Bull plays at Giants Stadium, Houston Dynamo at Robertson Stadium on the University of Houston campus, etc.), the brass at Major League Soccer feel they must play on through international tournaments.

Case in point? The United States is hosting the Gold Cup, which is the main tournament for our region (CONCACAF). In spite of this, the league is playing through the Gold Cup, even though a good percentage of the players participating in the competition ply their trade in Major League Soccer. So, what happens? Quality of play drops even further because the best players for each team are usually pulled for international play. You have teams fielding weakened teams, playing while their peers are representing their country. Isn't that just a massive crock of shit? To me, that shows massive disrespect to their teammates, to their countries, the country they play in, and to the game itself.

Speaking of disappointment, let's look at my San Francisco Giants.
Holy hell, bottom of the division. But if we were sitting in the NL Central, we'd be second. Yeah, I'm taking a pot shot at Jenn's Cardinals... who we are currently better than. It doesn't help that we've: lost 7 out of our last 10 games, got swept by the A's (I guess I'm not hardcore enough of a fan because I don't have any animosity for them), our $120mil pitcher is 6-6 with a 4.02 ERA (fucker isn't getting the resepect of having his name typed until he starts getting results), and MATT MORRIS IS OUR BEST STARTER. Offensively, we're as weak as ever. I guess Brian Sabean is gorging on Barry Bond's 'roided feces because there is no reason why RYAN KLESKO should be our best hitter for average. Fuck. I'm pissed. I can't type anymore without the help of a paperbag. I'm going to hyperventilate over this page.

I'm going to drown my sorrows in Wheach.

June 10, 2007

Short post /// real deal tomorrow

You know, I think we've come full circle.

I've seen Paris Hilton give a sleazeball a blowjob in night vision... and then watched as the photographer who shot the iconic picture of a napalmed Vietnamese girl during the Vietnam War snap a picture of Paris crying in a car as she was being sent back to jail.

Thankfully, there was no crying during the blowjob.

Post tomorrow about Major League Soccer segueing into chatter on my beloved and beleaguered San Francisco Giants.