July 21, 2007

Wishes for the Chelsea - LA Galaxy Friendly

1) Michael Essien does a hard tackle on Landon Donovan and incapacitates him.

2) If Essien does the tackle in the penalty area, and Landy goes to take a penalty kick, I hope to hear Joe Cole yell out "kick the fookin' ball ya bleedin' poofter!" during the obnoxious pre-penalty routine Landy has going.

3) Posh Spice's tits explode.

Ultimately, I'd like to hear a discussion between Landon's wife and himself where she asks why somebody the same age as him, like Petr Cech, is playing on such a big team and why Landon is only on the Galaxy.

"Oh, but Bianca, I AM on a big team. We have David Beckham and we're called the GALAXY. What's bigger than the Galaxy, Bianca?"
"I guess nothing..."
"Exactly. Now let's go walk our dogs and find me something that will cover my receding hairline."

Post Match
Beckham comes on and gets met with a hard tackle. Excellente. Chelsea wins, Landon Donovan acts a fool, and American sports journalists got exactly what they wanted from Beckham.

July 19, 2007

Oh, Hannah Montana!!!

I work at an elementary school and when you work in a place like that you can't help but hear about Disney's new "hits" like Suite Life of Zac and Cody, High School Musical and best of all, Hannah Montana.

Like I do every night I'm home at a respectable hour, I was watching Jay Leno and to my surprise the actress who plays Hannah Montana was appearing. Her real name is about as embarrassing as her character's name, Miley Cyrus. Strike one.

To prove her iintelligence, she called London a country. She also said that she got to go in the underwater bus thingy, to which Jay Leno replied, "Wait, what? You mean the chunnel?" Her response was, "Well, yeah, sure. I mean, I guess...if you want to get all scientific on me!"

She also showed her gleaming patriotism by telling the crowd that "in Tennesee people just don't speak French. It's just not something we do" then went on to claim that other countries only like us because most of us stay in one place, and that's America. Strike two.

Strike three, you ask? She claims to be "a vegetarian that doesn't eat any vegetables, especially anything green at all". And to make it better "she (like) totally just got done filming this afternoon for Hannah Montana and it was about candy and cotton candy and sugar rush and...I (totally) had (like) SEVEN things of cotton candy". Gag me with a...thing of cotton candy.

Animal Collective is taking me on a trip to the early and angsty 90's with their new album cover. For some reason it just screams "era of Pearl Jam, Nirvana, ripped jeans and weird music videos/album covers".

Lastly, for fun, go check out Charlie Brown: Anime Style.

It's nice to be back around SS again, folks. Sorry for my absence.

July 18, 2007

Kicking It With Corey

I was fortunate enough to get a few hours with the wonderful Corey Goodman of the experimental electronic one man band Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship today.

Corey is wrapping up the backend of a SFYYR tour and I told him about the brand new JR's Family Bar-B-Q in lovely Norman, Oklahoma. Corey was pleased as punch, being a wrestling enthusiast and all (Jim Ross is a Normanite who does play by play for the WWE for the uninitiated). I use to be a wrestling fan in my youth and was up for the visit.

Corey is as affable as they come, especially for musicians. JR was in store today (as he apparently is nearly daily) and Corey was extremely giddy. I was pleasently surprised that he actually comes to his own restaurant (would you see Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone munching down at Planet Hollywood back in the day?). We were sitting and eating and one of the many staff at JR's comes up and asks if we'd like to meet "him". Well, yeah! Of course we would!

Jim comes up and talks to us for a little bit then goes on to meet the other guests. We were wrapping up and he comes back up to us and literally sits and talks to us for something like twenty minutes. What great stories that man has! Talking about the Chris Benoit incident ("He was a good man... which I guess is hard to say about somebody who did what he did."/"I've known him for twenty years and I knew his little boy all his life"), media accusations that he was disrespectful at the Benoit funeral ("They asked me outside the funeral about steroids and what I thought. I told them, 'Today, this isn't about steroids.' And here I am being quoted as simply saying 'This isn't about steroids'!"). He's very shrewd and understands that guys are going to manipulate the system to get what they want ("We've got all our guys on our insurance plan. Back in the old days, if guys got hurt, they went to their family doctor or they went to the hospital. Now, we've got these 24 hour walk up clinics where you can get them to prescribe you just about anything you could want") and you can't nanny grown men and the leaders in the back, the guys who are clean, have to take a more vocal role in cleaning up the industry.

Also interesting was finding out that John Cena's strength coach at Springfield College in MA is now the associate strength coach at OU. I guess Dusty Dvoracek and Teddy Lehman are back in town and this dude's regimen is kicking their asses.

Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship's last date is tonight at the Mooch and Burn in Tulsa, OK. Corey is definitely an Slamdunk Stalin approved artist and we will support that man in all of his endeavors. Check out his Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship Myspace page, buy some things, and support a unique artist.

July 12, 2007

No tears for my alma mater

I'm a graduate of the University of Oklahoma in Norman. Last summer, news broke about our young phenom asshole quarterback and a quality offensive lineman being removed from the team for receiving payment for work they didn't perform. Essentially, they went to Big Red Sports and Imports here in Norman, filled out a time card, and got paid way more than they should. They maybe would work five actual hours a week and accumlated each just under $10,000 for a summer of "work."
The University caught wind of problems when they found out that the timecards recorded Rhett Bomar the asshole and the lineman having worked during team practices. It all started to unfurl and both players were out of here.

Fast forward a year. Oklahoma has just been stricken with a set of penalties by the NCAA that include forfeiting all victories in 2005 and losing a couple scholarships in the upcoming season. A lot of OU fans and students are OUTRAGED that the miraculous 2005 season with it's 8 wins, 4 losses, and a trip to the fabled Holiday Bowl will all have to be vacated.

You know, If we fielded ineligeble players like that, we deserve everything we got. We deserve to have our appeals on the charges of "failure to monitor" and having the season forfeited shot straight down. Ill-gotten gains, man. I feel no pity for my alma mater. Why should I? I'm a responsible, reasonable fan. No matter what other fans say about OU, we have no divine right to excellence. No team does. Alabama thinks they do, but look at them? They're just an angry, irrated group who compares every coach to Bear Bryant. Everything has to stack up to Bear. Hell, even at OU, Barry Switzer is in a pantheon of god-like figures simply because he won championships. He's despicable and at the end of his tenure he just let the place go wild; it was like Miami on the southern plains.

The more I hear friends gripe about how "WE GOT ROBBED", the less I'll care.

July 9, 2007

Doing a dull thing with style...

is now a requirement for new Real Madrid manager Bernd Schuster.

You see, for some people just winning is enough. Because winning takes endurance and is fairly difficult. Real Madrid won the Spanish championship this last year playing some pretty ugly soccer after not having won a damn thing in years. That wasn't enough for club president Ramon Calderon; he fired victorious manager Fabio Capello basically for not playing attractively enough. Winning? Not enough.

It'd be like the White Sox firing Ozzie "I'm an asshole" Guillen for not winning with enough flare in 2005. You know, God forbid the manager end years of torment and fan frustration... no, he's gotta kick the life out of other teams and make it look easy.

In other news, I fucking hate Real Madrid.

July 8, 2007

The 777 Wedding Glut

According to TheKnot.com, over 38,000 people were set to be married on July 7th, 2007.

Because 7 is a lucky number.

And everybody is nine years old at heart.

Or huge slot machine addicts.

July 2, 2007

Shake yours.

So, my absolute favorite band of all time ever, Rilo Kiley is releasing a new album. On August 21st we get the fourth LP by Rilo Kiley, titled Under the Blacklight, which should make everyone nervous before hearing about anything else surrounding this album. Blacklights remind me of sixth and seventh grade "parties" and all around lameness. Anyway, I obviously have to give everything a chance, especially when Rilo Kiley is involved. There are rumors that the album is only 38 minutes and 20 seconds long, with 11 songs on it. Today, SS rounded up the video for the new "single", The Moneymaker, again another title to be nervous about...

You can find the video here. Skip to about 9:21 to get to the part that matters, the music/Jenny Lewis looking extremely hot. Which, for her to look hotter than normal is something that I can't wrap around my brain...but she does do it and do it well. God damn she's hot. She gets the SS stamp of approval. Also, don't even bother with the first part. It's super sleazy and just...worthless.

Sadly, I can't say I'm much of a fan of this single. It's too glossed over and they are trying way too hard to sound dirty under the clean and glossy corporate umbrella. It just feels like someone came in and told them to "get it together, clean it up a bit" and now they are saying "Ok, we need angsty and gritty, can you give us that? I'm sure you've never done that before, so just try..."


Fellow St. Louisans So Many Dynamos will be recording their next album at John Vanderslice's Tiny Telephone San Francisco Studios with Death Cab for Cutie's Chris Walla.

In honor of the guys' recording with some great people, and not sucking without their help, they have started a new blog which keeps track of everything they have been doing while out on the road and in the studio. It should be fun and has already proved to be entertaining to me. Ahhh, road life...

Picture is of guitarist Griffin Kay sporting his "bet" moustache. It's about time to shave, my friend.