March 31, 2008

Things You Hear Walking Around Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart Radio offers the occasional diamond in the rough: I've heard New Order's "Regret" and "Bizarre Love Triangle". Often times, you get either older garbage I can't stand (the Eagles, Jimmy Buffet) or newer trash that I... can't stand. The worst is when they play new tracks in an attempt, in vain, to be the hip kids (read: Target). Two tracks and the entire system behind them have drawn my ire and I shall now flay them.

The marketing of mainstream women musicians, for the most part, is shit. It starts with this "woman as cool songstress", then morphs into "woman as sexual predator." Look at Jewel's career. She went from "Who Will Save Your Soul?" to "Intuition" in seven years.

Colbie Caillat? Holy shit. Terrible. That "Bubbly" song is everything wrong with most music. The acoustic guitar pickin', fun lovin' California gal shit gets pretty old... especially when that got played out by Jack Johnson as the acoustic guitar pickin', fun lovin' Hawaiian guy thing. It's what happens when people get told that the singers on American Idol are what is good and desirable, despite the obvious that there are singers in churches all over the country as good or better than the American Idol winners... and I can only take so much of that. And come on. Her album is called "Coco". We can smell a dead woodchuck from a mile away around Slamdunk Stalin.

Sara Bareilles isn't much better. How many American girwomen aged 16-30 have now typed into their Facebook status, "____ isn't going to write you a love song?" Innumerable amounts, that's how many. But it's ok! More people than myself see the impending career implosion. Bring me the head of James Blunt! But just because somebody else is hoping, praying, and prognosticating that she'll no longer to be a menace to society after this one song gets over-played, that doesn't diminish the fact that this damn song is still being played all the fucking time.

This isn't anything new to most people, I know. We all likely share the same feelings of disgust, dread, and, ultimately, resignation when we hear the opening refrain of "Head under water." It so infuriates me that I wanted to, nay, had to, post this up.

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